The alternative London “Knowledge” v2.0

1. It’s good practise to get on with all the photographers you come across as it’s guaranteed that you’ll end up stuck on a doorstep for three days with the one you told to piss off.
2. Stand next to the loudest shouter at film premieres. (See also “Ian West“)
3. Even if the object that we’ve been sent to shoot is stationary and there’s an hour available for pictures, photographers will instinctively scramble into the room and monster it.
4. If Nikon or Canon brought out a single pocket-sized camera that did everything, we’d still be inclined to carry the whole of Jacobs on our backs most of the time.
5. Playing the age old game of “Where a photographer can and can’t take pictures” with the private security that work in office blocks and company headquarters is the modern equivalent of bear-baiting.  As a vague hint, if you’re on the public pavement and you’re on the outside edge of any studded boundary markers on the ground, snap away.  This may not apply if you’re doing a project on “The security systems of the MI5 building”.
6. Cameras may have been around since 1814 but every year, manufacturers manage to create exciting new ways to make photographers spend their wages.
7. Don’t expect to get eye-contact from the baked bean.
8. There’s only so much you can do with an old painting, a pair of white gloves and an auction house assistant.  See also “For Sale” signs, gas hobs and credit cards.
9. Fashions and trends are just as common in the world of photography as anywhere else.  Lens babies, tilt & shifts and all-prime lens kits anyone?
10. Some photographers are just always in the right place.  These people are known as gits.
11. Freebies make the dullest job a little better.  The only exception being the 128mb USB stick.  I mean, come on..
12. Remember to take advantage of the incredible access that the job gives you.  If you’re somewhere cool, get a picture for yourself.  If you’re shooting someone you like, get a picture with them.  You’ll only regret it if you don’t.
13. The general public has no idea. If you’re stood with a 5d over your shoulder with a 50mm lens on, you will be asked which television channel you’re filming for.
14. The most anticipated jobs are often the biggest let-down for quality images and vice-versa.
15. Never think that you’re a better photographer than anyone else as someone with a sureshot will come along and spank you (photographically speaking).
16. If all else fails, just whack it on f1.4 and make art.
17. Photographers that smoke can make any overdue event happen by simply putting their camera down and lighting a cigarette.
18. Arsenal’s Emirates Stadium is the best stadium.  This has nothing to do with any team preference and everything to do with the free wifi, three course meal before the match, personal editing areas with power points and free mini portions of fish and chips after the game.  If only I didn’t have to shoot football to get in.
19. Legendary stories can be found in the bar during Party conference season, listening to incredible stories of Fleet Street photographer history from one of the old guard.
20. The moment you stop shooting to entertain and satisfy yourself, you might as well go and work in an office.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 15th, 2009 at 9:13 am. It is filed under Thoughts and tagged with advice, camera, canon, emirates stadium, fleet street, funny, guidelines, hints, humour, info, leon neal, leonneal, london, media, news, nikon, photographer, photographic, PR, press, snapper. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.