An ever-growing archive of bumbling nonsense from an English press photographer
The alternative London “Knowledge” v3.0
- If you actually prepare for the bad weather for once and get fully waterproofed up, by the time you arrive at the tube station in central London, you’ll emerge to blistering sunshine. The same also applies in reverse.
- You will see the politician that you waited 10 hours outside the House of Commons for on a daily basis as soon as the story that involved him/her has passed.
- A celebrity on the red carpet that points at an individual camera is incredibly irritating to 46 photographers and very pleasing to 1.
- The kid who got the blurry picture of the burning building on his 4mm ultra-wide angle camera phone never quite understands that the image isn’t worth a grand.
- The first casualties of press photography are your lens caps.
- A standard “Grip and Grin” photo inside Downing Street lasts around 10 seconds. When the press officer tells you “this will be a quick one”, be concerned.
- The Met Police do actually have rules to follow, regarding the working relationship with photographers.
- There are only so many times that you can manage to genuinely laugh when a passer-by offers to swap their praktika sureshot for your full-frame DSLR with 300mm f2.8 lens.
- Nobody wears photographer vests (See also “Wanker jackets“).
- Your friends and family don’t care about the 15-month project that you’re doing on inner city deprivation but will want to hear all about the 8 seconds that you spent photographing David Beckham at the launch of his new branded Thermos flask.
- Try to lead by example and make sure you wear deodorant when shooting London Fashion Week. Also, learn to rest when you can.
- No matter how many times they’ve been shot, the Politico Top Trumps cards given away during party conference season are always a must.
- Mentioning the name “Paul Delmar” is the press photographers equivalent to the masonic handshake.
- When you’re slapping your laptop for only connecting at 7kb/s when wiring a job in the countryside, remember that it was only a few years ago when you’d have been high-fiving anyone close to you for getting such blistering speeds.
- Nothing redresses the balance with PRs better than a full photographer walk-out.
- The free photo recovery software that you get with your memory cards is no good to you uninstalled, sitting at the bottom of your desk drawer at home when things go wrong.
- When shooting boxing, don’t assume that you’ll have the first round to get your settings adjusted.
- When trying to board a plane with a very large camera kit as hand luggage, they may weigh your peli-case, but they won’t weigh your extra-pocketed jacket (but always consider #9).
- Nail your tight, bright and shite before you paint with light.
- You never know everything so with this in mind, it’s over to you. Feel free to add your own golden rules below!
For the previous two lists, see here and here.
wonderful.
you probably have these in the other two pieces. but they are worth repeating.
always have a camera. even in the loo. (grins)
always take 1 shot.
better to take 10 than 1.
keep up the good work kiddo!
I like it. I was looking through the other lists, and happened on the 3 songs, no flash line. I had a rare moment this week with a pass at an upcoming gig at the 100 Club where I was told ’3 songs, no flash, but you can make it 5 songs if that’s better for you’. A rare moment.
Brilliant – loving the series man
PS – I know I’m going to regret this, but:
http://homepage.mac.com/i/hpti/1/wimg/Shared/SlideShow/SlideShow.html?lang=en
http://homepage.mac.com/i/hpti/1/wimg/Shared/SlideShow/SlideShow.html?lang=en
Thankfully, these images are a few years old!
Sorry, duff links.
http://homepage.mac.com/edopix/edo/PhotoAlbum38.html
Pics 1 and 8 ;-D
Admitting to a #9 infringement is the first step to recovery, Brother Terakopian..
If it helps, I’m selling the only one I was ever given..
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=300327894425
nice one edmond, pics 1 and 8 illlustrate the jacket part of the “wanker jacket” nicely the other 34 illustrate the w…
LOL! Thanks gents for the compassion that I absolutely knew would present itself
Hmmm – might bid for that jacket!!
Nice piece – thanks for posting. Had me cackling like an idiot…
Sime
I love these lists!
Leon,
couldn’t you have worn a t-shirt in those e-bay pictures…you sick, sick individual.
Great Ver 3.0!
I thought I’d give you a treat.
(..or rather, I’d just got up and had a moment of “right, I want to sell all this stuff..”)
As a slight variation on No 15:
When told you’re only allowed to shoot 60 seconds of Avril Lavigne’s set at a festival, nothing pleases a PR more to see you lie on the ground and then walk out proudly extoling “you’d never think she wasnt wearing pants”
And also:
The bigger the flash diffuser, the more irritating the photographer
haha! That second one is a gem. Perfect!
Leon’s kindly invited me to leave a link to our ‘PR Picture Editors
Knowledge’ blog list which shamelessly rips him off from our side of the
Picture Desk. Apologies for No.3, but some others might ring true..
http://paphotocall.wordpress.com/2009/07/24/the-pr-picture-editors-knowledge/
No problem at all, Tim! It’s great to see that the idea has captured people’s imaginations!
#13: “Paul Delmar”… I know a lot of people say it works, but in my experience I’ve been getting more who? than anything. could just be me? or maybe his name doesn’t stretch far enough out of the “press” route?
That’s the thing with both the Masons and press photographers; its good to keep some things within press circles..
Didn’t Paul Delmar used to present Catchphrase? I’d have to say ‘Newport’ can have a similar effect, but then both ring pretty hollow to the likes of Jeff Moore Esq.
No. 2 is the absolute truth
No. 5 is very funny
No. 9 perhaps with the exception of sports togs who often must*
No.15 should happen much more often
*On the subject of ‘Wanker’ Jackets, who do people think make the best ones?
We’ll have no serious talk of optimal wanker jackets around here, bud!
Delmar did indeed used to have a sideline as a Roy Walker impersonator and I’m SURE I remember somebody getting a frame of them together once.
In a rather unusual aside, I was thinking of you in bed the other night. To be more precise, it was after noticing that you’d shot the cover to the latest book that I’m reading; “Fire under the snow” by Palden Gyatso. Great frame and great book, Sir!
Cheers for dropping by, squire!
On the subject of “wanker jackets”………
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mikekingphoto/5017392701/